My Relationship To Presence

& how it's this constant, ever-flowing, ever-changing embodiment of the human spirit

Things I know: it all comes down to love or fear. Every single thing we do is rooted in one of those. Before I start, no, I don’t claim to have all the answers. I hope I never do. The more I sit back and enjoy the mystery of this life the more I’ve come to enjoy it. I laugh at myself more. I don’t take myself as seriously. I allow the people that love me to help me course-correct when it’s needed. This took years though. Truth be told, I don’t even think I could give an exact time frame anymore of when my journey back to myself took place. Now that I’ve seen so much, I’ve kinda learned first-hand that we are constantly and always ebbing and flowing with the many versions of us that live deep within the depths of our souls. That is so beautiful. So magical. To know the many versions of us must exist for they are road maps. They keep us grounded. They remind us that our pasts shape us, not define us. Often times I’ve found the same scenarios would come up over the years, and each time I’ve learned to dress it a little more gently. Until finally, I found myself at a fork in the road. Do I release this, these stories I believe about myself. The mistakes, the losses, the people even. My other choice is to continue to hold on, wither away and never allow myself the chance to break through the matted soil and bloom loudly. I chose then and still choose now to allow myself to travel down the stream of curiosity instead, embracing it all. Only until the story no longer fits and can continue on with me. When you look at the grief, the pain, the hurt many of us spend our whole lives running from, for me anyway, it came from a lens of fear. I spent most of my life surviving. I only knew fear. I never felt safe to fully rest and be until I was exactly 31 years old. It wasn’t until arguably the most painful breakup of my entire life took place for this to set in. It brought to the surface every single thing I needed and wasn’t getting, and my relationship to what I felt I was worthy of. This was one of the greatest lessons of my life, and I had to fight my way out of it. Many nights I spent writhing on the old wooden wars of my pre-war apartment, weeping in disbelief of all that I’ve allowed. All that I’ve taken on. All I’ve endured. I will never forget New Years Eve of 2023. I told myself it was time. I can’t explain the air that evening, but there was a part of me that knew who I was, was no longer. Although I stumbled all the way through those first few months, I grew new legs, broke my foot, released my relationship with the fear I carried in my backpack, and I became. I gave myself time to sit, no longer run, and embrace the fear. Then I befriended her. She, as well, at her core was love. What I’ve learned from my shadows has transformed my life, and has changed the very lens in which I view it. I believe in people. I have hope for the future. I believe in you, and I believe in me. It’s my job to share this story because we are each other’s mirrors. The very things that trigger you are the areas you’re being asked to look at deeper. It’s an invitation to heal, to set it free, and transmute that energy to love. It is only through great loss and emotional scars that I will somewhat always carry that I can confidently say these words. I know the original phrase was “With great power comes great responsibility.” I’d like to challenge that way of thinking. What if, instead, we chose “With great love comes great responsibility.” What if we were so dedicated to our own lives and our own processes that we no longer seeked validation from others, from the internet, from any place that doesn’t stem from a root of acceptance. We no longer looked at anyone with a lens of envy, for that is simply a belief you carry that feels you don’t deserve or aren’t worthy of what you’re envious of. It’s a tricky thing, the mind. How the heart and mind space connect. If our minds send signals to our bodies, what if we changed that tune? What if we chose to look at everything around us as an invitation? An opportunity to sink your teeth into the truth. The truth that you’re here on this great planet to love. You were born of it. It’s your birthright to live in love and abundance. Radical presence calls that in. I believe it takes courage to ground yourself into the present moment. To look around, to look up, to reach your hands towards the sky and feel the sun on your fingertips. To look at a stranger in the eyes and wish them a good morning. How simple it can start, the undoing of all that once was. What if you didn’t make any more excuses for why you aren’t content, at peace? Do you not deserve that freedom? We are living in incredibly strenuous times. Our job is to be here. To show up and act as a beacon of light and love for those around us. I refuse to let the current state of the world strip me of my hope. Instead, I choose to plant my bare feet in the dirt and raise my voice in the ways that call to me. My invitation to you is this; what are the ways you can plant your own feet in the present moment? For you and your incredibly beautiful experience. How can you connect deeper? How can you show up even more authentically to yourself? You don’t need my permission to do anything at all, but I give you full permission to set free the things that are keeping you from your peace. My hope is you know of your worthiness, your great strength, and your ability to transform your reality.

Until next time…

xx,

B